Room For One More

Where can I get this as wallpaper?

So, I dunno if you know this about me, but I have a fantastic fiance named Tom. (I know it's a bit late for this now, but I wonder if I should't have changed his name to protect him from a slew of admirers. Hands off, kiddos. He's mine.) Well, we went down to City Hall in NYC just last week and got a marriage license. (Yes, yes. That means I'm off the market, too. Try not to get too upset. We're open to being just friends with you.) We've been together for a bit over a year now. (He bought me a D23 membership for our one year anniversary. How awesome is that?!?!) I know that I have already told you about our Disney-related meet cute story, so I'm sure that you've been chomping at the bit to hear the engagement story, since, wouldn't you know it, it's Disney-centered as well. Since our wedding is in one week, on September 23rd, I thought that today would be the perfect day to do it.

From our first meeting, Tom and I got very close very quickly. You know that whole soulmate thing? The one we've all made fun of while sitting on our couches watching season five of Sex and the City and cursing our love lives? I found that in him, despite fifteen years of kvetching about how it would never happen. Pretty soon after we got together we started circling the idea of taking things to the next level and putting a ring on it. We talked about it in somewhat general terms and knew an engagement was on the horizon without nailing down when or how the question would actually be popped.

About six months after we met, we planned a trip down to Florida where Tom would meet the fam and we would make a lengthy detour down to Orlando and spend one day in each other four parks in Walt Disney World. Tom had not been down there for about a decade and I hadn't for almost a year myself, which is about 11 months too long, in my lil' ole opinion, so opportunity was ripe and our trip to Disneyland together two months after we met had gone so well that I knew that we would have a blast.

Sigh. So romantic.

Little did he know, bless his heart, that I had a bit of a surprise up my sneaky sleeve. Mama and I had been communicated on the DL about finding rings so I could propose to him while we were in WDW. After many clandestine phone calls and internet links passed back and forth, we decided on a lovely, simple silver band. It was one of those you-know-it-when-you-see-it moments when Mama showed it to me. Seven months prior, I thought I would end up being alone forever, and yet, here I was, seeking out ring advice from my Mama.

The next step was deciding where in the parks I wanted to do the deed. The answer was pretty obvious. Both me and Tom's favorite attraction is The Haunted Mansion. Tom, who's a fantastic musician, loves to play the music from it on the piano and knows the narration by heart (as well as the unused Vincent Price narration from Phantom Manor in Disneyland Paris). I know, I know. It's a bit macabre and weird to propose there unironically considering that we are both pretty much the opposite of goth. But we're also both odd ducks and so in the end it all makes sense.

Stretching Room + 60's =
Tom's dream come true.
Thanks, Shag.

Once that decision was made, then it was time to decide where exactly on the ride to do it. I thought of doing it in the Seance Room with Madame Leota overseeing the proceedings, but quickly decided against it. The scenarios I came up with for giving him a ring during the ride itself were not pretty. What if he gets excited or nervous and drops the ring into the abyss below the track? What if he can't hear or see what I'm trying to do? What if he gets annoyed that I'm interrupting the ride? I quickly ruled that out. Doing it in the queue seemed a little silly, too. Almost like an after thought. "My, this line is long. How to pass the time? Well, I guess I can ask you to marry me."

Then it dawned on me. The Stretching Room. Of course. It's Tom's favorite part of the ride. We even have one of the portraits hanging up in our room. More importantly, though, if he drops the ring we can just pick it up and move on through. The decision was made. The rings were ordered. The trip was planned. Tom suspected nothing save one night where he turned to me and asked, "Are you going to propose to me in front of Cinderella's Castle?" I told him of course not because that would be corny. It was a close call, but I didn't even have to lie to distract him from my ghoulish plan.

We headed down to Florida, where Tom met my awesome mama, my rad sister, and my crazy dad. He made a wonderful impression and a few days later, after I collected the rings and buried them in my luggage, we made our way from Tallahassee down to Orlando. (By the way, every time I say the name of the city, in my mind I sing it like the song from Book of Mormon.) Our first day was in Epcot and so it was easy for me not to get too nervous. I was busy listening to the dulcet tones of Judi Dench explain the history of human communication.

Can you spot the boxes? Tom didn't :)

The next day was the Magic Kingdom. The Magic Kingdom means Liberty Square. Liberty Square means the Haunted Mansion. And the Haunted Mansion means the moment was nigh. The morning was rainy and chilly. I was extra careful to slide the rings and their tell-tale boxes into my hoodie pockets when Tom's back was turned. They were still bulky and so I kept my hands in my pockets the whole morning as we drove to the TTC, took the Monorail over and waited in the rain for the gates to open. Luckily, since it's our fave, we headed straight in that direction first thing. I'm sure Tom noticed something was off with my energy, but probably thought that it was just because the rain rain rain was coming down down down.

I was nervous as the dickens while we made a beeline over and walked right up to the door. It was us and a small British family. They had an adorable little girl with them who kept on asking if there were really ghost in there with her cute little accent. She would jet out from behind her mom, knock on the door real quick-like, and then hide behind the mother's legs again asking if we were all going to turn into ghosts if we went inside. Finally, the door opened and we all went inside and then into the Stretching Room.

I know they smell a bit musty, but they need
a ride to the bachelor party. Please. Anyone?

I had decided that I wanted to wait until after the spiel was over so that a) we wouldn't intrude on other people's vacation with our big proposal production number and 2) so Tom would be able to enjoy the whole thing. After the room had stretched and the door that wasn't there slid open, Tom started to walk away. My heart leapt into my throat, I grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him back, and he looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. I got down on one knee, pulled the ring out of my left pocket (that was the one with his size 7 in it), and asked him to marry me.

The rings right after the proposal.

He had a scant moment to process it, but luckily that's all he needed. He said yes, I got up and gave him a kiss and said "Hurry, let's go before they close the door on us!" As we waited to board out Doom Buggy, Tom took the other ring and sealed the deal. I love the Haunted Mansion every time I ride it, but I must say, that was one special trip through. After we got off, we walked outside and the sun had broken through the clouds. The rain had stopped and the weather was absolutely lovely for the rest of the day. I could not have asked for things to have gone any differently. It was a series of perfect moments that I will remember forever.

Don't get any ideas, Tom Tom.

I was so surprised to find someone who fit so well with me, and the fact that he was as big a Disney geek as I was really sealed the deal. With a week until the wedding, and our immediate families soon descending on City Hall in NYC for a small ceremony, I can't help but thank whichever star I wished on that finally decided to listen to me when I said that I had room for one more in my life. That star sent me a mortal who was as foolish as I was. That day I took my loved one by the hand and we watched our step as we boarded the ride. I expect our lives together to be one heckuva swinging wake.

Odd Disney World: President Jonathan T. President?

It must have been crowded in that room
when this portrait was done, huh?

As Katy Perry might say if she cared to discuss her connection to audio animatronic Presidential figures, I've had a very hot and cold relationship with the Hall of Presidents attraction in the Magic Kingdom.

First, a smidge of history on the attraction. Walt had originally planned to have the show, then known as "One Nation Under God", at Disneyland on the unbuilt Liberty Street in the unbuilt Edison Square section of the park that was to be adjacent to Main Street U.S.A. They realized that the scope of what he wanted to do was beyond what they could do with the new audio animatronic technology and instead created the successful Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln attraction.

When Walt Disney World was built, a new land was created for the Magic Kingdom in Florida called Liberty Square. Imagineers figured that locals wouldn't be interested in visiting New Orleans Square when the real thing was a few highways west. The new land was the perfect place to finally realize Walt's vision, housing audio animatronic figures of all of the Presidents within a show.

I figure it's pretty much a given that before you hit about eighteen years old, the last thing in the world you want to do while at a Disney park is to sit in a dark theater for a robotic history lesson. You avoid that mess like the plague. Dude, come on! Splash Mountain is mere feet away! The Haunted Mansion is right across Liberty Square! You have to wait forever to get in if the visit isn't well timed and the show feels deadly long to a youngun. That's certainly how it felt to me.

Um. Mr. Lincoln? Can you put your clothes
back on? I'm terrified. Please and thanks.

As I grew, I took issue with the attraction for a much different reason. From 2001-2008, George W. Bush had taken up residence in the Hall. Now, this is no fault of Disney's. And they did a fine job of representing him without making an overly political statement in either direction. But my skin crawled. It was very hard to watch a man who I did not have a terribly high opinion of most things I stand for talk about liberty and justice when I was a second class citizen in my own country. Plus, Maya Angelou was no longer the narrator. Apparently, the caged bird sings because she's trying to tell you she wants to get the heck away from GWB. Not that I can blame her.

Towards the end of W.'s run I saw the show one last time. The lobby was packed with Confederate flag wearing good ole boys and we all know that those are not my favorite people in the world. I wasn't always as zen about dealing them then as I have subsequently become. During the show, before I knew what had hit me, I just started crying. Hearing the eloquent and heartening words of Abraham Lincoln juxtaposed against the deeds of the man who stood beside him was a bit too much to take. Mama was sitting one one side of me with Dad, my sister Kelly on the other and I remember thinking that even if my government didn't love and accept me, my family did and I should count myself as lucky.

Ah. Much better. Thank you, sir.

The first time that I saw the new incarnation with Barack Obama, I felt a lot of relief. The GWB years were a dark cloud that shrouded most of my twenties in a feeling of hopelessness. I had become much more politically aware as a result of the 2008 election. Since this isn't a political blog, suffice it to say that  there are things I love about Obama and other things not so much. I think he's done an admirable job under less than optimal circumstances.

As far as the Hall is concerned, I can now relax and enjoy the experience (now narrated by Morgan Freeman, which is fully rad) without wanting to scratch my skin off, though I'm sure Michele Bachmann would disagree. Such is the state of our union and the fact that we can sit in the same room, watch the same presentation and be guaranteed our right to feel and express two completely different sentiments is a huge part of what makes it great. I warn you, however, that if I ever find myself in the same Hall of Presidents show as Michele Bachmann, I'm not sure that I could stop myself from pouncing on her like a panther and screaming "Marriage pledge, my rump! You evil hag!" So please hold me back. I don't want to get thrown out of the park.

The show building was designed to resemble
Philadelphia's Independence Hall.

In a way, it feels odd to have something so highly political in the center of what is the ultimate escape from the real world. No matter how even-handed Disney is in their treatment of the subject of politics, it is going to stir up deep and personal stuff for someone on some side of the fence about something. We're talking everything from the current red state/blue state divide, to slavery, to religion, to war. We're talking capital I Issues.

I walk into the Magic Kingdom to leave those kinds of things behind, and yet I think I am drawn to the Hall of Presidents because it is, at the core, showing America at its best. What our country is capable of when you get past the pettiness and the puffery. It reminds me that we are the country that created an incredible man like Abraham Lincoln, whose still powerful words in the show never fail to get me all misty-eyed. It reminds me to stay hopeful because we have a capacity for greatness yet to be fulfilled.

We just got real deep there, huh? Well, I actually brought up the Hall of Presidents because I have stumbled on one of the greatest pieces of absurdist Disney humor I have ever seen. It's a slow burner. Be patient. Listen carefully. I started off confused, started to get it, started to chuckle and, by the end, I was laughing till I snorted. When I watched it a second time, I laughed even harder. Boys and girls, I present to you The Hall of Inaccurate Presidents! Do not use it to study for Friday's social studies test, please.

I died! President Jimmy Goose! President Unknown! President Sweeney Patch! This video is absolutely priceless. It tickled me so much, I knew I had to share it with you.

While we're out it, I came across this video, which looks like it was taped off of America's Funniest Home Videos, showing what happens when the audio animatronics don't get the break that they are guaranteed by their union.

Sorry, y'all. He was done. They work those poor robots like dogs and Abe just couldn't take it any more. And scene. I've also heard tell from Imagineers that there have been times when the fingers were not working correctly on Lincoln and resulted in a rather rude Abey Baby.

What is your take on the Hall of Presidents? Does it bore you or make you proud? Or is it just a good excuse to spend an extended period of time out of the Florida heat and in a darkened, air-conditioned theater? And, most importantly, did you vote for President Roy Wizard?